Step by step

I love lists.  I love checking things off as I go, and I love how I feel when I throw away a post-it note that's been completely crossed off.  I love step-by-step instructions when troubleshooting electronics and when piecing together Swedish furniture.  Having an end in sight and a sense of completion is comforting for me.

The funny thing is, there's no checklist for following Christ.  Some people try to make checklists (say this prayer, give this much, follow these rules) but that's not how it works.  There's no path lit, beginning to end, to show you what God wants you to do with your life.  On a good day, if you're following closely, he'll light up the next couple of steps for you.  But not much more than that.

I've felt called to Kenya for several years now.  My heart is there.  I count down the days until I go back, and I do my best not to sob for the entire plane ride home when I leave.  But I have no idea what future God is calling me to there.  I'm not sure how God could use my talents to make a difference there in a way that's helpful to the people there, and not just helpful to my ego.  I see many obstacles in my life that keep me from moving in that direction.  I struggled for a long time with this--why would God put this longing in my heart, but not give me a map to fulfill this longing?  I wanted the end game, and I wanted it now.  I hated that, no matter how hard I worked, I wasn't getting to Kenya any faster, and I hated that I couldn't see the entire journey.

But, I can see my next step.

That's where God asks me to have faith.  He's given me a glimpse of his vision for me, and he's lighting up one step at a time to get there.  I don't know how many steps exist on this path, how bumpy, hilly, or perilous the path is.  I just have to trust that God will lead me down it.

I have a quote written among the pictures in one of my collages of Kenya pictures on my wall.  It comes from Mother Teresa's book "No Greater Love," which I read last year in God's perfect timing while I was in Kenya:

"I must not attempt to control God's action; I must not count the stages in the journey He would have me make.  I must not desire a clear perception of my advance upon the road, must not know precisely where I am upon the way of holiness.  I ask Him to make a saint of me, yet I must leave to Him the choice of the saintliness itself and still more the means that lead to it."

I don't know how many steps I am from doing something bigger in Kenya.  But I have faith that God will help me to complete this journey, and I know that God has called me to this next step this summer, back at the Tania Centre, and I am ready to be the best Beth that I can be for them.