A book I read recently talked about how a relationship with God can sometimes be like learning to ride a bike. You come to a point where your training wheels are off, and your parent is no longer holding their hand on your back. They may be running right alongside you as you go, but not feeling their hand on your back can be scary. You might fall and get scraped up. You might get mad at your parent for not supporting you like they used to. But you'll never learn to ride on your own if they don't let go.
Sometimes faith can feel like that. You come to a point where your training wheels are off, you're out loving people like God calls you to, but you can't feel his hand on your back anymore. You can't hear his words of reassurance whispered in your ear anymore. It can be scary. You might fall and get scraped up. You might get mad at God for not being there like he has been in the past. But you'll never learn to stand on your own if he doesn't let go.
If I'm being honest, some days, I look around me and wonder where God is: when these children struggle with basic social skills because of what they've been through in their young lives, when we struggle to provide for the needs of our employees, when famine strikes parts of the country and children are dying while begging God for rain and food. It just doesn't feel like he's there.
But, in searching for where God is, I end up finding out more about who he is. I'm learning more about the ways he speaks to and interacts with his creation. I look around and I still see evidence that he's at work: Tania is planting tomato seedlings in its third greenhouse, employees who left have been replaced, we have a solid new head teacher, computer classes are happening on new computers, we're trying again at an egg-laying business with new hens after the last ones died or stopped laying. Even if I can't feel his hand on my back, I can see evidence that God is still running alongside me as I give obedience a go without my training wheels.
When you value your feelings as much as I do (I'm an INFJ if you follow M-B personality tests) it can be especially hard when you can't feel God. But God knows when (not if) those times will come. And he reminds us that "if we don't feel at ease, God is greater than our feelings." (1 John 3:20) If you push into it, you can come out the other end with a deeper relationship with your creator. And, once you get the hang of it, you can ride a lot farther and see a lot more beautiful views without training wheels.
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